The Ex-Stormtrooper and the Best Pilot in the Resistance
by SparkIntoAFlame
Summary: A collection of Stormpilot oneshots! So much fluff you will get cavities. Rated T for swearing.
1. Good Morning, General

Finn was sleeping, his face buried in Poe's chest and his legs swung over Poe's lap, his knees brought halfway to his chest. The aforementioned pilot was snoring quietly with his head drooping onto Finn's and an arm curled protectively around the former stormtrooper. They had returned from their latest mission (flying over to some distant planet they couldn't be bothered to remember the name of to do some reconnaissance work) and they were _exhausted_. So exhausted, in fact, that they didn't bother to make it all the way to the bed (that they had just started sharing a few weeks ago when Finn had a nightmare and Poe crawled into his bed to comfort him and it just became too normal) or close the door completely before collapsing on their couch and falling asleep literally on top of each other. Fighting the First Order, first on land and then in a vicious space battle will do that to you. Especially when one hasn't slept and the other is hurt.

.-oOo-.

They had reached the base three days late, stumbling out of Poe's ship, both of them half-carrying each other. An extremely tired Poe with an arm around an injured Finn who had been treated with just the basic medical supplies Poe kept stocked on his ship. If it hadn't been for Rey and each other, they would have face-planted on the runway as soon as they walked out. Rey and Poe guided Finn to the hospice where (despite half-assed protests from Finn) he was quickly patched up and sent on his way. Technically, he should have spent maybe a little longer recovering, but the doctor had seen the look in his eyes and reasoned that she might as well let him go back to his room. Besides, if she had kept him in the hospital wing, he probably would have tried to escape in the middle of the night; best play it safe and let Dameron take him.

"I'll take care of him," Poe had said when the nurse had opened his mouth to say something.

"Oh. Well, do that. I was going to say, you look like you need sleep," the nurse had grinned, noting the extra-defined dark circles beneath Poe's eyes.

Poe had only nodded and then helped Finn down to the room that they shared. It had taken nearly all of his willpower and some help from his very obvious tiredness (Finn hadn't slept in a day. Of course, he disregarded that he hadn't slept in about 53 hours, a fact that Finn mumbled quietly) not to slip into his role as Finn's boyfriend and to stay as just Finn's roommate and best friend.

"C'mon buddy, we're here," Poe had murmured, pushing the door open. The sight of their familiar room sent a wave of knee-buckling relief and renewed exhaustion over him. "Yeah, okay. Let's just sit down. Fall asleep maybe?" he added as an afterthought.

He had slowly led them to the couch, not even checking if the door had fully closed. He had immediately fallen on the couch and gently tugged Finn down. Somehow the darker-skinned man had ended up curled against him in his lap. Not that Poe would ever complain about that. He had just thrown an arm around Finn and pressed a kiss to his cheek before resting his forehead against the top of Finn's head and passing out.

.-oOo-.

It had been several hours since Poe and Finn had returned from their mission, and no one had seen them. Granted, everyone just steered clear of their room considering that they both had looked like they were about to faint when they got off Poe's ship. Even Rey, which was incredibly unusual as she normally was extremely concerned for her friends' wellbeing.

"Rey. Have you seen Captain Dameron and Finn?"

Rey jumped at the sound of General Organa's voice in the previously silent room, sending a few spare parts flying in the air.

"Sorry, General," she apologized quickly, gathering her things as she continued to speak, "I haven't. I think they...well, they'll probably be in their room."

"Ah. Thank you. You haven't checked on them?" Leia asked, a faint smile playing at her lips. "Not like you, Rey."

Rey looked up. "They looked dead on their feet when they came in," she admitted. "I figure they're sleeping and that I might as well let them. Finn's injured and Poe...well, he looked like he could use the rest." She cringed at the memory of Finn's injury and the dark purple smudges under Poe's eyes. "They both honestly looked like crap if I'm being honest."

Leia nodded slowly, not reprimanding Rey for the coarse language. "I agree. I think I'll check on Poe. After all, he _is_ basically my son," she said, the smile returning to her face. With a slight wave at Rey, Leia made her way down the hallway towards Finn and Poe's room.

The door was cracked open, giving Leia a glimpse of Poe's dark curly hair over the top of the sofa. She eased inside, silently closing the door and making her way to the sofa. She froze for a moment as she took in Finn laying on top of Poe. She grinned, shaking her head and simply setting a blanket over them, taking a seat on the armchair that was next to the couch and pulled out her holopad. She might as well get some work done while she waited for them to wake up.

It was exactly 38 minutes when Finn finally moved.

.-oOo-.

Finn stirred gently, shifting in Poe's arms. He blinked slowly, before noticing the blanket thrown on them.

"What…" he murmured quietly.

He carefully edged himself off of Poe's lap and instead sat next to him.

"Good morning, Finn."

Finn stiffened at the sound of General Organa's voice and turned to face her. She was smiling warmly at him, her face partly glowing from the dim light from her holopad.

"Good morning, General," he croaked, feeling his cheeks heat.

"How's your arm?" she asked conversationally, ignoring the embarrassment leaking from the former stormtrooper.

"Uh. It's...better," he muttered. "Doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's good," Leia said, switching off her holopad and putting it back in her pocket. "Ho-"

Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a soft groan from Poe as he woke and his subsequent yelp when he saw Leia sitting in the armchair.

"I-Wha-Huh?" he sputtered. "Wh-when did you come in?"

"About…" Leia checked her watch. "43 minutes now. Finn's been awake for 5 of those."

Poe's cheeks went red as he realized that Leia must have seen Finn sleeping on his lap if she had been here for that long.

"I-" he began, trying to explain something, trying to say something that would offset what she had just seen.

"Poe. Shh," she ordered.

He immediately complied, shutting his mouth so fast Finn could hear the slight _click_ of his teeth clenching together. Leia's expression softened as she read the emotions that only showed in the men's wide eyes - panic, terror, and...resignation. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when she recognized that they were _expecting_ her to hate them. Laughter won out.

"I don't hate you," were the words that eased the tension that tightened in Finn and Poe's shoulders. "Hell, I think you two are _ridiculously_ adorable together."

Finn almost fainted at the words and Poe seemed inclined to disappear into the sofa. But Leia's grin was infectious and he found himself returning it.

"Thanks," he said.

Leia waved airily. "The only thing I'm mad about is you not telling me. But don't worry about me. Wait until Rey finds out you've been hiding _this_ from her."

She left the room when she heard Poe's whispered "Shit."

"We're fucked," Finn breathed. "Rey will _murder_ us."

Poe twisted to face Finn. "Again. Shit." he said before tackling Finn with a kiss.

 **Hi hi hi! My first venture into Star Wars territory, and I figured I would start it with my absolute favorite Star Wars ship - StormPilot (FinnPoe). This is another series of one-shots like my Deanmus one, so reviews and PMs with suggestions are welcome. Please review!**


	2. Three Months of Hell

Poe has been gone for ages and it's _killing_ Finn. Instead of walking next to Poe in the halls, bumping into his side, he walks alone, hands stuffed in his pocket instead of stuffed in Poe's. He sleeps in a cold empty bed, not a delightfully cramped one squeezed next to his boyfriend in a tangle of arms and legs. He wakes to the sharp beeping of an alarm, not soft kisses peppered on his neck and face. He still sits with Rey and Jessika at meals, silence occasionally falling where Poe would naturally fill in the conversation with a witty remark and their laughter sounds too quiet.

Poe's not stupid. He's not weak in any capacity. But when what's supposed to only be days turns into weeks and then into a full month, Finn can't help but worry about him. It was only supposed to be a short and simple mission. Get in, get the information from the source, get out, try not to tangle with the First Order. And Finn _knows_ Poe is capable of handling (almost) anything. That doesn't discourage him from worrying about Poe every minute of the day, however, or from wearing Poe's jacket whenever possible or from constantly searching the room for a head of curly black hair.

.-oOo-.

"Finn."

"General? Can I help you?" Finn asks. He can hear his heart pounding in his ears and his hands unconsciously clench into tight fists.

"Poe...he…" General Organa falters and Finn nearly falls into the wall behind him. General Organa _does not_ falter. She takes a slow, deep breath and looks Finn squarely in the eye. "Finn, we've lost communication with him."

Now is when Finn's heart stops and he really does fall back into the wall. He sags to the floor and draws his knees to his chest.

"No," he croaks. He looks up at General Organa to be met with eyes equally as helpless as his own. " _No_."

He's not aware of when he starts crying, only that he is and General Organa is kneeling in front of him and _oh God, Poe…_

"Finn. We'll find him. I'll find him." General Organa's voice is a distant thing, but he slowly lifts his head up. There's a maternal kind of fire glazing them and even his endless tears cannot dim it.

"I know, I just…" Finn shakes his head and ducks his head back down, unable to find the words to express his fear, his hopelessness, and this new emptiness where his heart used to be.

"Finn," General Organa says, tilting his head up with two fingers. "I swear to you I will _bring Poe home_."

Finn takes a shuddering breath before slowly rising from the floor. "I want to help," he says flatly.

General Organa merely motions for him to follow her to the control room. He spends the rest of the day checking in with spies and allies around the galaxy, trying to locate the best pilot in the Resistance.

.-oOo-.

Almost two months after losing communication with him, they finally find Poe, bruised, battered, and beaten to shit in the First Order-controlled city of Palatia. He was shaking when they found him, sitting in a booth, hands clasped around a glass of something strong. The owner of the restaurant said that she'd just let him stay - he wouldn't tell her anything except his name and "I need to get back to him." Who "him" was, she had no idea. He'd been there for three days.

Poe trembles all the way back, unable to fly the ship or do anything but shiver. Finn almost dies when he sees Poe limping down the ramp with purple and blue marks marring his golden skin and a black splotch around his left eye. His shirt doesn't completely hide the lines on his arms that Finn easily identifies as badly healed scars. _Poe..._

"F-Finn," Poe whispers hoarsely when he catches sight of the darker-skinned man waiting for him. "H-h-hey."

Tears are making their way down Poe's cheek and Finn chokes back a sob. He harshly realizes that he's never seen Poe cry before.

"Poe…" Finn murmurs, taking his hand. "C'mere. Let's get you fixed up, okay?"

Poe nods, slowly and meekly and the sight breaks Finn's heart. Poe is a whirlwind, doing everything quickly, with confidence. He never backs down or shrinks away from a challenge; rather, he runs full speed at it and tackles it head on. The broken man next to Finn, however, looks like he couldn't take on a damn Porg if he wanted to.

"Poe?"

Poe lifts his head at General Organa's worried voice and gives her what is only a shadow of his signature smirk.

"G-General."

General Organa gasped softly as the two men walked closer, Poe's injuries becoming more obvious. She opens her mouth but then closes it, as if unsure what to say.

"Finn, take him to the hospice, please?" she finally says, discreetly wiping at her eyes as she walks away.

Poe flinches at the sudden bright lights in the hospice before a doctor whisks him away to be treated. Finn waits for thirty excruciating minutes, biting his knuckles until he sees Poe walking out. He's silent, Finn notices, and that just succeeds in splintering his heart a little more. Poe's _never_ silent, always humming or talking or laughing.

"C'mon," Finn reaches a hand out to Poe who squeezes it tightly before letting Finn lead him back to their room. It's late, and they encounter a mercifully small number of people. Finn opens the door and gently propels Poe into the bed.

"Hey." Finn takes a seat next to Poe who immediately leans into him. "What...happened?"

Poe looks up at Finn and shakes his head. Finn recognizes the look in his eyes - pure, undiluted _terror_.

"Okay. Okay, you wanna sleep?" Finn says, laying Poe down. "Go to sleep."

Poe curls into a ball but doesn't shut his eyes. They take on a slightly haunted look to accompany the terror. Finn eases down on the bed next to Poe and holds him closer to his chest. He can feel Poe's breath rattling and then settling into a rhythm.

"What _happened_ to you?" Finn says softly, looking down at Poe's sleeping form.

.-oOo-.

A week after Poe returned, Finn can see him slowly edging back to his old self. He laughs more and his easy smile has began to return. In public, he's all grins and chuckles, but back in their room he lapses into extended silences. It's one such time when Finn walks in, exhausted and ready to sleep, that he finds Poe sitting on the bed, eyes unfocused. His shirt is off and Finn can see the extent of what happened.

Large bruises stretch across his back, clashing with scars of varying thickness and length. Burns are spattered here and there. There's barely any of Poe's original coloring left on his back, and Finn suspects it's the same on his torso.

"Admiring the view?" Poe's voice jars Finn out of his thoughts. "Not that...there's much left," he amends, shifting slightly to look back at Finn.

"Poe...what did they _do_?" Finn asks, a crack in the last word.

Poe sighs softly and shrugs. "Torture droid. 'Parently they still use those."

Finn's breath catches in his throat as he settles next to Poe who rests his head on Finn's shoulder.

"They caught me, and I'm thinking that I'm screwed this time, 'cause now there's no you to help me escape. And I figured that they were just gonna kill me, you know? And honestly, I ki-kinda think I rather would've died," Poe blurted before aiming his eyes to the floor. A minute's silence follows. Finn lets an arm creep around Poe's shoulders and pulls him closer. Poe looks up to find Finn's eyes filled with grief and a grim understanding.

"It's okay. You're okay," Finn soothes, cupping Poe's face in his hand and brushing his cheek with a thumb.

"It...I just stopped _feeling_ anymore. And then I got out." Poe's body shakes with a sob. "And it all came crashing down on me. I realized that it had been three months since I saw you and three months holy shit you must have been worried and...all I could think of was getting back."

Finn brings Poe down to the mattress with him and lets Poe bury his face in his neck. He pulls Poe in for a kiss.

"I'm here," Finn promises. "Forever."


	3. Scars in All Kinds of Places

p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"strongThis is a sort of future-fic set after all the other chapters/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The war was over. The First Order had collapsed from within, Kylo - no, emBen/em now - pulling some stunt that had left him unconscious in the hospice, Rey keeping vigil by his bedside much like Poe had done those excruciating weeks that Finn...emdon't think of that right now/em. Poe and Finn had floated in and out, coaxing food into her mouth and letting her cry into their shoulders, holding her and watching Ben's face for any sign of life./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"And then he woke up. And Rey had smiled for the first time in one and a half months and all was right with the world again./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It was only three months later, and Poe and Finn had finally been completely open about their relationship. Which, as Jessika constantly (and gleefully) reminded them, was about as much of a surprise as Ewoks living on Endor. They shared an apartment now, living just down the hall from Ben and Rey./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe sighed and rolled over, resting his gaze on the sleeping ex-stormtrooper next to him. A small smile graced his features as he watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. Not in a panicked frenzy to make sure that he's still alive, that he hadn't left him, but as a lazy counting of breaths until he woke up. Poe propped himself up on an elbow, blinking the drowsiness out of his eyes. Shuffling closer to Finn, Poe pressed a soft kiss to his neck./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Good morning," Poe grinned, watching Finn's eyelids flutter and slowly open./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Finn muttered something that sounded vaguely like "G'morning."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""How you doin'?" Poe asked. It had become a habit since Finn's...injury for him to ask if he was alright every morning, more to soothe any remaining nerves than anything./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""'M fine. W'bou' you?" Finn mumbled, facing Poe./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Good," Poe answered, running his knuckle over Finn's cheekbones who hummed contentedly. "I love you," Poe added, as if Finn could ever forget./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Love you too," Finn leaned towards Poe and kissed him gently before rolling onto his stomach./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe sucked in a quiet breath at the sight of the jagged white scar running from Finn's shoulder to hip. He carefully lifted a hand and placed the tip of his finger lightly at the top of the scar. Finn stiffened momentarily and Poe made to draw away./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""No, it's fine," Finn assured Poe./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe opened his mouth to confirm the statement, but Finn just shifted slightly to provide Poe with easier access to his back. Poe replaced his finger and dragged down the scar, mapping the small lines that branched off. Finn shivered and Poe's lips lightly grazed the top of the long line./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I love you," Poe repeated softly, his finger pausing as he ran his lips over a small portion of the scar./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Poe…" Finn murmured, turning around as he felt Poe's hand reach the end of the path and his fingers splaying over Finn's back. "I love you too."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe smiled again and buried his face in Finn's neck, closing his eyes as he breathed in the unique scent of woodsmoke and pine that was so painfully emFinn/em. He was about to drift off again but Finn's next words, said so quietly that he almost missed it, yanked him back to full consciousness./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I don't deserve you."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe almost toppled off the bed. "You emwhat/em?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Finn was laying on his back now, his eyes aimed determinedly at the ceiling. Poe thought he saw tears forming. He reached out a hand and grabbed Finn's bicep./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Finn. No. emNo/em. Why-Ho-How could you think that?" Poe's voice was filled with emotion./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I don't, Poe. You're so amazing, you're smart and witty and charming and handsome and strong and you're perfect. I'm…well, I'm me," Finn finished./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe looked at Finn incredulously. "Oh. Oh, you're emyou/em. What does being Finn entail?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Finn tore his gaze away from the ceiling and Poe's heart splintered as he took in the misery in those brown eyes. "Being Finn entails being a disappointment. A mess. Weak."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe's eyes were filled with fire when Finn finally met his stare. "That's not true. Finn, that's not emtrue/em. You're not a disappointment. You're not weak. And yeah, maybe you're a mess, but so am I. So is Rey. So is Ben. We just walked out of a damn emwar/em. We're allowed to be a mess."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I-I-"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Poe silenced Finn with a kiss, placing a warm hand on Finn's torso and wrapping his other hand around Finn's neck./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Okay?" Poe murmured, kissing Finn's neck./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Okay."/p 


	4. Nightmares: Finn

_The village was alight with haunting flickers of fire. What hadn't been burnt into cinders already was in the process of becoming so. FN-2187 made his way through the ashes of what what were formerly homes, trying to make sense of what he saw._

" _FN-2187!" The commanding voice of Captain Phasma shattered whatever remained of the previous tranquility in the village. "Gather a group and find any survivors."_

 _A feeling of dread settled in FN-2187's stomach as he pointed at five other stormtroopers and motioned for them to follow him. They hunted around for any signs of life and effortlessly ended them with a single shot. FN-2187 didn't make any shots, only directed them. Suddenly, his name was again called out by Captain Phasma. He picked his way back over to her, dodging small fires and pieces of houses._

" _We found a rebel," Phasma growled, shoving a man to his knees in front of her. "Kill him."_

 _The man looked up at FN-2187 and he unconsciously took a step back. The man had curly black hair and brown eyes that seemed to bore into FN-2187's soul and tugged at the edges of his memory._

" _I-what?" FN-2187 stammered._

" _Kill. Him." Phasma ordered, her tone stiff with rage._

" _P-Perhaps he has information?" FN-2187's voice sounded small and pathetic, even to himself, but he didn't care. Anything,_ anything _, to save the man._

" _That may be true, but we cannot have any survivors."_

" _Why?"_

" _I certainly hope you are not disobeying my orders, FN-2187. You_ know _how that ends."_

" _Yes, Captain," FN-2187 nodded and readied his blaster._

" _Just another servant of the Order, huh?" The man's voice jarred FN-2187 from his actions. It was hard with hatred and fury. "Kill me then. Coward."_

 _FN-2187 lowered his blaster. "I'm not-"_

" _Yes, you are. Just another damn coward hiding behind the big and strong rulers. You're worthless, you're a waste. You can kill me, but y'know what? Least I'll be dying a martyr. You? Your life is meaningless."_

 _The man's words hit him like a punch to the gut and suddenly he wasn't nameless. And FN-2187 wasn't FN-2187 anymore._

" _Poe," Finn whimpered, nearly buckling._

 _Poe's lip curled with disgust. "Don't talk to me you piece of shit."_

" _I'm sorry," Finn breathed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_

 _He turned the gun on himself and squeezed the trig-_

"Finn!"

Finn gasped awake, shivering violently. Poe was leaning over him and gripping his shoulder, strands of messy black hair falling into his eyes. Finn tried to say something, but choked on his words immediately. Tears burned his eyes, threatening to fall.

"You okay? You kept, like, whimpering and saying that you were sorry," Poe said worriedly, settling next to Finn.

Finn closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. Choppy memories of the dream flooded his mind. He squeezed his eyes tighter and his chin dropped to his chest.

 _Coward._

 _Your life is meaningless._

 _Piece of shit._

"Finn? Hey, talk to me buddy." Poe's voice filtered through his thoughts and Finn jerked his head up.

"Sorry," Finn rasped. "Bad dream."

Poe smiled faintly. "I can see that. Wanna talk about it?"

Finn shook his head. "I'm...I'm fine."

Poe shifted so that he was sitting next to Finn. "Yeah, I'm sure you're _just perfect._ That's why you woke up shaking and crying, right?"

Finn laughed, but there was no humor behind it. "Dead on."

Poe kissed Finn's cheek. "That was sarcasm."

"I know."

"So?" Poe prompted, nudging Finn's shoulder with his own. "What's up?"

Finn sighed. "It's stupid. Really." When Poe said nothing, he continued. "It's...do you remember Jakku?"

Poe snorted. "I got captured and met you. Of course I remember."

Finn's breath caught in his chest. "I-oh, this is dumb. It's not a big deal, seriously."

Poe glared pointedly at Finn's hands, which had not stopped trembling. "Not dumb. And when my boyfriend's hands are shaking, it's definitely a big deal."

"Everything was the same. Bunch of other troopers and me, we were looking for survivors. And then...Phasma had you," Finn recounted. "And she told me t-to kill you. And I _couldn't_ , Poe, I just _couldn't_. And you were saying…fuck, I don't even know why this happened, but you were saying that I was a coward, that I was a piece of shit, and _fuck_ , I mean you - or y'know, dream you - were right, but-"

Poe pressed his finger to Finn's lips and effectively got him to stop rambling.

"You're crying," Poe noted, and wiped Finn's tears with his thumb.

Finn let out a watery chuckle. "Guess I really am a coward, huh?"

"Stop." The word was firm. Poe's eyes were glistening as he spoke. "Finn, you're not a coward. You're not a piece of shit or whatever other horrible things you think you are."

"Sure."

Poe kissed Finn softly. "You're not. You're brave, and wonderful, and strong, and smart, and all these other amazing things."

"Yeah."

Poe pulled Finn to his chest and Finn tucked his head into the crook of Poe's neck, letting loose a long and shaky breath. Poe wrapped his arms around Finn's back and held him tightly. A few minutes later, Poe was ready to drift off again until Finn's words yanked him back to full consciousness.

"I just...I can't imagine living life anymore if you hated me," Finn's voice was soft and sleepy. "I really, really love you, Poe."

"I love you too. Don't forget that, okay? Don't ever forget that," Poe whispered, watching Finn's eyes close.

When Finn's breaths became slow and heavy, Poe gently set him down on the bed and kissed his forehead before laying down and going back to sleep, his hand entangled in Finn's.

 **I can't write. Let me know if you want to see one with Poe! (Granted, I'm probably going to do it anyways)**


	5. Think of Something That's Not You

A gift for one of my best friends TheMetalReaper - check her out on Archive Of Our Own!

 _ **now**_

"Finn," Poe mumbles against Finn's lips, tightening his grip around Finn's waist, "holy shit."

Finn pulls back a few inches and laughs breathlessly, looking into Poe's eyes. "Holy shit," he agrees.

 _ **before**_

"Rey," Finn said, watching the girl whip around to face him.

"Yes?" she responded.

"I was wondering…did you know anything about -"

"- the status of Poe's mission? No, I don't," she interrupted, smiling ruefully at him. "Sorry, Finn."

"It's fine," Finn reassured her. "Um, I guess I'll ask around or something."

"I heard rumors that he's supposed to be back soon, if that makes you feel better. I know it was super confidential," she winces.

"Yeah…"

…

" _Are you sure you can't tell me anything?" Finn begged as Poe threw some clothes into a small bag._

 _Poe chuckled. "I'm sorry, buddy, but it's pretty damn confidential."_

 _Finn pouted as Poe kissed his forehead. "I wish I was coming with you. Or that I knew when you'd be back at least."_

" _I know." Poe checked the time. "Dammit, I have to leave soon."_

" _How much time do you have?" Finn asked, as if he didn't already know the answer, as if he hadn't been obsessively checking the clock like he could make it stop if he looked at it enough._

" _Thirty minutes," Poe said, as if he didn't know exactly what Finn had been doing, as if a small part of him hadn't been hoping that Finn could indeed make the clocks stop with the intensity of his gaze._

" _Thirty minutes," Finn echoed. "Will - can you -"_

" _I'll stay with you until I have to leave."_

…

"Finn?"

Finn snapped back to reality to find Rey staring at him with a combination of curiosity and concern spread across her face. "Sorry, just...zoned out for a second."

"Thinking about Poe?" she asked, giving him a sympathetic look.

"A little," Finn admitted. "I just…miss him."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the reality of the situation hit him. Poe was out on a mission that Finn knew nothing about - not the objective, not the potential danger, not even the amount of time Poe would be gone. Finn staggered back slightly, the realization like a punch to the gut.

"Finn, I'm sorry." Rey reached out a hand, brushing Finn's arm.

"Don't say that," Finn choked out with a weak laugh, "makes it sound like he's-he's-"

"He's not," Rey says firmly. "He's strong and resourceful. Remember when he got captured for three months and tortured?

Finn winced at the memory of Poe's bruised and scarred body and nodded.

"If he can come back from that, he can do _anything_. Has he ever told you about what it was like before you came on base?"

Finn shook his head mutely.

"Jessika told me _all_ about him. He always volunteered for the most dangerous missions, like the selfless idiot that he is," Rey said fondly. "Never thought about the consequences. But once you came - well, it was really right after you started dating - he started being mindful about what he did."

"W-what?" Finn stuttered, confused at what Rey was saying.

"You did it. You were the one who made him stop taking the super long missions that could get him killed. I don't know if it was because he didn't want to be away from you or if he didn't want to leave you, but…it was you."

Finn's insides fluttered at the thought and he looked at the ground. Was it possible that Poe loves him enough that he changed _for him_? Rey smiled knowingly, as if she was reading Finn's mind.

"He does love you that much."

Finn shook his head before hugging Rey. "Thanks. I think I needed that."

Rey chuckled. "I knew you needed that. That's what friends are for, aren't they?"

…

"Finn!"

Finn whirled around at the sound of his name to see Rey sprinting breathlessly towards him.

"He's back!" she panted, eyes sparkling.

Finn froze for a moment before tearing off in the direction of the hangar, Rey on his heels.

Poe was standing in front of his ship with his back to the entrance, his helmet tucked under his arm. Jessika stood with him, and the two were talking animatedly. Jessika seemed to falter in her sentence as she met Finn's eyes. She whispered something to Poe who immediately turned around and began running.

"Poe," Finn murmured before Poe crashed into him, enveloping him in a hug.

The hangar was mercifully empty, so only Rey and Jessika were witness to Poe pulling Finn's legs coming up to fold around Poe's waist and the long, _long_ kiss that followed.

They broke apart, but Finn's legs stayed around Poe's hips and he broke into a huge grin.

"You're back."

"I'm back."

 _ **now**_

One of Poe's arms is wrapped around Finn's waist, holding him in Poe's lap while the other gently curves around the base of Finn's neck. Both of Finn's hands are plunged deep into Poe's black curls while their lips move almost obscenely against each other. Finn lets out a quiet sound (whimper? moan? Poe doesn't care) and presses his chest flush against Poe's (shirts had been discarded a little while ago; neither Poe nor Finn is keeping track of time or anything besides the person at his lips). Poe echoes the sound and tilts his head to the side.

"Finn," Poe mumbles against Finn's lips, tightening his grip around Finn's waist, "holy shit."

Finn pulls back a few inches and laughs breathlessly, looking into Poe's eyes. "Holy shit," he agrees.

Poe tugs Finn back into the kiss, causing Finn to say something that sounds like _mmph!_ before melting into Poe's arms with a soft sigh. They kiss without talking for a while before Finn pulls back abruptly.

"What happened?" Poe asks, a small, playful pout on his face.

"I missed you," Finn breathes, the fact sinking in and feeling like a weight in his stomach. "I _missed_ you." His voice cracks slightly on the second word.

Poe rubs his thumb lightly over the high arch of Finn's cheekbones. "I missed you, too."

"I was scared," Finn confesses quietly. "A-after Palatia, I was just…I was scared because…I didn't know how long I could wait before - before worrying that - that -"

"Shh," Poe whispers. "Shh, it's okay. I'm okay. It was just a retrieval mission, but it was something that was really confidential so -"

"I get it. I just...worry."

"Okay." Poe smiles softly.

He reaches up and kisses Finn, achingly tender, and Finn can feel it in his chest, in his _heart._

"Fuck," Finn mutters, "I love you."

And like that the gentle pressure against his lips is gone and Poe's mouth is slightly parted in surprise. Finn's face heats and he can see a slight color in Poe's cheeks.

"Really?" That wasn't the reaction Finn was expecting. Rejection, maybe, but disbelief?

"Yeah." Because that seems to be the most appropriate response to give.

"I love you too," Poe says, a wide smile breaking out on his face and Finn can't help but to lean in and kiss Poe's cheek. Which turns into Finn pushing Poe down on the bed and peppering kisses on his face and Poe giggling loudly and squirming half-heartedly.

"Hey, I have to ask you something," Finn says suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Rey said something earlier…did you really stop taking the long risky missions after we started dating?"

"Yeah," Poe answers. "Yeah, um, I was kinda all in from the beginning and I just didn't like to spend a lot of time away from you and -"

"No, I-I got it," Finn says, shaking his head and laughing. "I just can't really believe you gave that up for _me_."

"I'd do anything for you," Poe affims in the most serious voice Finn's ever heard him use. "Anything."

Finn beams and snakes a hand up Poe's chest. "I'd do anything for you too. You know that, right?"

"Yeah." Poe's looking at Finn with such a love-filled intensity that Finn feels stripped down, wholly naked. (Although he wouldn't exactly mind being naked at the moment, now that he thinks about it…)

And it's as if Poe has read his mind, like he does all the time and Finn's mind cuts off all coherent thought besides _Poe._

To specify, all the events in this story take place in the same timeline, but not necessarily in the order that they are published.


End file.
